A couple months ago, after sending a childhood friend I haven't seen for more than 20 years birthday wishes on Facebook, his mother "liked" my message. That family was like my second family; we lived across the alley from one another, they had two boys about my age, and I was in their home or outside with the boys probably close to half the days of my life from the ages of 5 to 12, before we gradually drifted apart, and were completely out of touch after high school. Mrs. Coughlin was practically a second mom to me during those years, and I was totally unprepared for how emotional seeing that "like" from her was for me, like a big hug from someone I didn't realize how much I missed.
Of course I went to her page, to see what it would tell me about how she's doing. I learned she and her husband still live in the same house, I learned one of the two boys I was so close to in grade school started a family a long time ago, and has two children now in high school... it was all wonderful. Then I came upon something else though, a picture of their youngest child, the boys younger sister, from when she was maybe 3 or 4 years old, close to the age I still picture her at, and with it was a message about how it was eight years since they'd lost her. Learning that she'd died when she was only 31 broke my heart.
I messaged Mrs. Coughlin, largely to express gratitude for how wonderful she'd always been to me, and to tell her how good it felt to see her name pop up, but also to express sadness and condolences for the staggering loss I didn't know the family had suffered years ago. She messaged me back, telling me how good it had felt when she saw my name, and how loved I was in the Coughlin home. She also told me a great deal about what her daughter had gone through for years leading up to her death, and it was devastating, both to know it, but also to realize how little I had thought about people who once meant so much to me.
I relate so much to this. And I don’t know if social media makes it better or worse. Would we be making more of an effort without it? Or would people fade out of our lives forever. I don’t really know the answer.
I’m so glad you were able to reconnect, but of course not under those circumstances. I hope you gave yourself the grace to feel the emotions you needed to. 🙏❤️
Your final statement "Love is always enough." is enough for me to start the day as I head out the door to work, and a great reminder to try and spread it everyday.
Well written and thoughtful piece Ruth. There are many shades of sadness. You’ve captured many of its nuances in these reflections. And aptly called out the dual edges sword if Facebook memories that serve both to remind us and to illustrate the forgetfulness and I attention that these depositories of memories can encourage.
Thank you Julian. And I do appreciate how your more sporadic use of social media encourages me to message you directly more often. It means I can’t assume I know what’s going on with you without asking.
A couple months ago, after sending a childhood friend I haven't seen for more than 20 years birthday wishes on Facebook, his mother "liked" my message. That family was like my second family; we lived across the alley from one another, they had two boys about my age, and I was in their home or outside with the boys probably close to half the days of my life from the ages of 5 to 12, before we gradually drifted apart, and were completely out of touch after high school. Mrs. Coughlin was practically a second mom to me during those years, and I was totally unprepared for how emotional seeing that "like" from her was for me, like a big hug from someone I didn't realize how much I missed.
Of course I went to her page, to see what it would tell me about how she's doing. I learned she and her husband still live in the same house, I learned one of the two boys I was so close to in grade school started a family a long time ago, and has two children now in high school... it was all wonderful. Then I came upon something else though, a picture of their youngest child, the boys younger sister, from when she was maybe 3 or 4 years old, close to the age I still picture her at, and with it was a message about how it was eight years since they'd lost her. Learning that she'd died when she was only 31 broke my heart.
I messaged Mrs. Coughlin, largely to express gratitude for how wonderful she'd always been to me, and to tell her how good it felt to see her name pop up, but also to express sadness and condolences for the staggering loss I didn't know the family had suffered years ago. She messaged me back, telling me how good it had felt when she saw my name, and how loved I was in the Coughlin home. She also told me a great deal about what her daughter had gone through for years leading up to her death, and it was devastating, both to know it, but also to realize how little I had thought about people who once meant so much to me.
I relate so much to this. And I don’t know if social media makes it better or worse. Would we be making more of an effort without it? Or would people fade out of our lives forever. I don’t really know the answer.
I’m so glad you were able to reconnect, but of course not under those circumstances. I hope you gave yourself the grace to feel the emotions you needed to. 🙏❤️
Your final statement "Love is always enough." is enough for me to start the day as I head out the door to work, and a great reminder to try and spread it everyday.
Awww Ed. This makes me so happy. Come back to Toronto soon!
You are most certainly not alone in these thoughts, and you wrote about them beautifully. Thank you.
Thank you so much Trixie 🙏
"That time is past,
And all its aching joys are now no more,
And all its dizzy raptures. Not for this
Faint I, nor mourn nor murmur; other gifts
Have followed; for such loss, I would believe,
Abundant recompense. For I have learned
To look on nature, not as in the hour
Of thoughtless youth; but hearing oftentimes
The still sad music of humanity,
Nor harsh nor grating, though of ample power
To chasten and subdue.—And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused"
Wordsworth
❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is beautifully written and very moving, Ruth. And I love the final line.
Thank you Kevin ❤️❤️
Well written and thoughtful piece Ruth. There are many shades of sadness. You’ve captured many of its nuances in these reflections. And aptly called out the dual edges sword if Facebook memories that serve both to remind us and to illustrate the forgetfulness and I attention that these depositories of memories can encourage.
Thank you Julian. And I do appreciate how your more sporadic use of social media encourages me to message you directly more often. It means I can’t assume I know what’s going on with you without asking.